The Letters of H. P. Blavatsky to A. P. Sinnett
Theosophical University Press Online Edition

Letter No. 189

26th August, 1882.



It is with the greatest pain and reluctance that I write this letter but I beg of you the indulgence to give this a patient and careful reading.

Last evening Mme. B. received a letter from Mr. Hume, from which she read to me the portion relating to myself. I am accused of being a forger! Mme. B. asked me what Mr. Hume meant for no one could be more surprised at such a groundless charge than she was, for she KNOWS me. I now remember that about three months ago (I am not sure about the time) a letter was thrown to me at night. I took it up and saw the address. I could distinctly see that the handwriting was familiar to me but it was neither K. H.'s nor M. sahib's, nor Gjwala Khool's. I thought over it and suspected that it was Fern's own signature. I then compared the superscripture with the signature in one of Mr. Fern's letters and found them identical. Knowing that even the chelas (advanced ones of course) can do such phenomenal things, I said nothing about it except, when forwarding the letter to Mr. Fern I expressed my surprise, or what I do not remember. The address on that letter is now made the pretext for my being called a FORGER!!! Now you know me, Mr. Sinnett, you have seen me, talked with me: — I appeal to your sense of an English gentleman to say whether you consider me capable of such an infamy. It is for you to decide what you would call a person who dubs you with the title of a forger for your being merely instrumental in forwarding to him the letter from a mutual friend. My only sin consisted in volunteering to be such a medium of communication. Last year when Mme. B. was so much abused and when it was thought desirable that she should be out of this business as much as possible, for her sake I took it upon myself to be a medium of correspondence between my MASTERS and the Simla Eclectic Theosophists. You know very well under what circumstances I took this thing up. But alas with what result: to be called a forger or be suspected to be one! Until now I was proud enough to think that I would not be suspected of any such infamy at least by persons who now seem to do so, since all my nearest friends, acquaintances and all, will give their life to proclaim that I have never uttered an untruth even as yet, and never will. Well, this proves to me one thing. The world and especially the several sceptical European races are not prepared and utterly unfit for Occultism. Those of our MASTERS who will have nothing to do with the Europeans are, I say, perfectly right. I care a fig for the opinion of the outside world. I know that I stand like a mirror before my MASTERS. They do know me and They are quite sure that with all my faults I am yet honest, truthful, sincere, and faithful. Weaknesses I have many, foremost among which are indiscretion, imprudence, and still a lingering particle of diffidence of undertaking any work of serious responsibility. But THEY know I have never played either a "double" or any game with anyone, much less with Them. But when I am once suspected, I can have nothing to do with the business. I am a perfect slave of my MASTERS and if They order me I have but to obey. Otherwise I now positively decline to have anything to do with the correspondence any of you may have to keep with Them. Mme. B. has already broken her connection. I should like to see what chela would now volunteer to do it. I am afraid none. And I do not believe THEY will under the circumstances compel any Chela to do it. If therefore for want of an intervening channel the communication between THEM and the outside world is at an end, it is neither Their fault nor ours. A cold shoulder ought to be shown to the European world as it well deserves. Of course I do not mean you. If the Europeans have self-respect, we poor Hindoos have too. We never set ourselves up as of the superior race but we have some sense in us of self-respect. I see that the cycle is at an end or rather will be in about two months and a half, and this affair must gradually stop. I have too much respect, reverence and love for my MASTERS, to hear THEM talked of as if THEY were so many ignorant babies. And I feel very much for Mme. B. She has been worrying herself for over three years so much so that she has utterly spoiled her constitution. She is unwell and last evening the Doctor said that her whole blood is spoiled. We know what it means. My only hope and prayer is that she may be spared for some time for the sake of the Society. By the Society I mean the Asiatics, for I am firmly convinced that the Europeans have not the stuff in them of Occultists. Of course there are some very rare exceptions like you but exceptions only confirm the Rule. I am afraid that if H. P. B. is still worried as she has been, I do not know what may soon happen. I have been trying to induce her to go beyond Darjeeling or some such place for two or three months, where she will neither see nor hear of the world's vilest tricks which has been the chief cause of her ill-health — and then return after she is completely cured. But she says it is better to die when she is almost dead rather than be well and again go through the same process of gradual death. Some day I do not know what news we may learn of her if she is thus persistently ill-treated so mercilessly. [Half it Page of the original has been cut out here. — ED.] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . of retiring and we shall probably soon have to follow. For you personally I have the highest regard for I believe you to be one of the exceptions mentioned above, but I am compelled to adopt the present course. I have at least one consolation and that is I stand clear before my MASTERS who being clairvoyant can see through me any time, and to try to deceive Them when writing or speaking to Them is an useless dodge which can be at once detected.

As if to add insult to injury, Mr. Hume sends to Mme. B. for publication in the Theosophist an article about my MASTERS, which, to say the least, is most repulsive to the feelings of us Hindoos!

With the profoundest sympathies and kindest regards for you, I remain,
Yours truly,

Letter 190

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