My dear Boss,
Enclosed please find my private reply (so far) to the Remonstrance of the most honourable "London Lodge" & Co. You are a nice Jesuit to second such resolutions. Mrs. Grundy and her demands in the name of culture and refinement too much for you to oppose — eh? Were the Anti-Christian tracts to proceed from one in odour of sanctity with that superanuated female, no objections would have been made. Allez donc! You are a lot of weak cowardly Grundyists, a flock of moutons de Panurge following your Jockey-club scented leaders and no more. The Official Reply to the remonstrances will be sent when the Council succeeds in putting in good English their "indignated feelings, and the fuming paroxysm of their towering choleric asperities" at this humiliation and new indignity put upon them by a Branch Society, whose members "even being Brothers WILL BE swelling and thundering rulers" (sic). This is a verbatim extract from a letter sent to Col. Olcott by one of the members of the General Council — a Madrassee Moodelyar — in answer to his opinion on the subject of anti-Christian tracts being asked.
Would not your friendly and still more Grundyish heart swell with pride and joy were you but to see "the old lady" presiding Juno and Minerva-like over the whole of the Ooty high officials, Carmichael and grand Muff with his Mrs. Muff included? Mrs. Carmichael, Mrs. G. Duff, Mrs. Kenney Herbert and Mrs. Everybody here, bombarding me with invitations to receptions, balls, dinners etc. and seeing that the Mountain will not go to Mahomet coming Mahomet-like to the mountain sitting at her foot, and — kissing my hands!!! Why, they have turned crazy — archi-crazy! and all this for a poor sapphire ring doubled from that of Mrs. Carmichael which became forthwith thinner and smaller the sapphire in her ring having positively become visibly smaller, (this is the thing par excellence that flabergasted and floored definitely Mr. Carmichael who could not be converted until then properly); and for a few paultry bells in Mr. F. Webster's (Chief Secretary) pocket, and a letter written to him in his own handwriting which I had never seen and which he swears he cannot recognise as not being his though the flapdoodles therein are not surely his; and for some letters sent on the aristocratic noses of the paramount powers at Ooty by Jual-Khool (who salaams you) and etc. etc. etc. Well here I am, my rest destroyed, my existence a torture; my hopes of solitude blasted and — the lioness of the day. My name put on the Government Book in Govt. House in big letters before I had condescended to return Mrs. G. Duff's visit. My graceful, stately person, clad in half Tibetan half nightdress fashion, sitting in all the glory of her Calmuck beauty at the Governor's and Carmichael's dinner parties; H. P. B. positively courted by the aide-de-camps! Old "Upasika" hanging like a gigantic nightmare on the gracefully rounded elbows of members of the Council, in pumps and swallow tail evening dress and silk stockings smelling brandy and soda enough to kill a Tibetan Yak!! On the other hand and as a shadow to the brilliant picture old H. P. B.'s poisonous diabolic presence among the faithful flock killing by inches the Old Bishop; for H. P. B. with that refined cruelty that characterises heathen souls, had the excellent idea of announcing a tamasha in her suite of rooms (General Morgan's) on Sunday morning or fore-noon between 10 and 12, just the morning prayer church hour, and on that blessed Sabbath, the poor Bishop had to preach salvation to the empty benches of the Ooty Church.
Well — and where's the benefit of all this? Only that as soon as asked I obtained transfer for Rama Swami, M's chela from Tinnevelly to Madras and got a situation or two in the Secretariat for my favourite Chettyars. They say I am doing good to the Society. I am doing bad to myself and Karma.
Well again — I wish your "London Lodge" new members should not write questions necessitating such ample answers. Why bless you only the half of the Replies fill up a whole form of the September Theosophist! and fancy the pleasure. It is I who had to copy most of the Replies written half by M., half by either chelas or handwritings that I see for the first time, and as no printer the world over could make out M's handwriting. It is more red and fierce than ever! and then I do not like them a bit the replies. Where's the necessity of writing three pages for every line of the question and explaining things that after all none of them except yourself, perhaps, will understand. Science, science and science. Modern physical science be hanged! and the October number having to devote 15 columns, perhaps, to answering the rest of the Questions and Objections by "an English F.T.S." M. ordered Subba Row to answer his objection on the date of Buddha's birth and Cunningham's fanciful dates. I could not print more this month. With Subba Row's reply it takes from 15 to 16 columns! Holy shadow!! and who is Mr. Myers that my big Boss should waste a bucket full of his red ink to satisfy him? And He won't; see if he does. For Mr. Myers will not be satisfied with negative proofs and the evidence of the failings of European astronomers and physicists. But does he really think that any of the "adepts" will give out their real esoteric teaching in the Theosophist
If you do so much good and have created such a stir with Theosophy in the London circles why don't you give us something for the Theosophist or do you mean acting all the while sub rosa as K. H. says? "Well, they hate to have their doings commented upon even in the Theosophist — their own Magazine" said to me K. H. the last time I had a glimpse of him which was a long time ago more than a fortnight. What is he about? I think I could get you the 3 letters required now, that Mr. and Mrs. Carmichael adore me and that Vizianagram Rajah who adores them is coming up. But then K. H. told me not to move any more in the matter; that he has changed his plans. I verily believe that you have exercised a most pernicious influence on our blessed K. H., for I be turned into a first class shell, if I recognise HIM even since he fell into bad company with you and the rest! There's a chit apparently from him for "Uncle Sam" sent to me by post from Darjeeling by Bhola Sarma, who lives now in Tibetan and Sikkim flying from one place to another. Let him (Uncle Sam not Bhola Sarma Deva) bless himself with and be satisfied. K. H. becomes too worldly and it will be the ruin of Him. One of these fine days the Chohan will degrade Him to a simple Theosophist and — cut him off with a shilling — though if an occult one even this would be a boon for any one but him.
Well I have to dress myself for a grand party at the Kenney-Herberts, where I mean to flirt with the brandy and Jockey-club smelling aide-de-camps and be prepared to become every one's jeweller and bell-ringer. Nice social position. Don't I see through them all. I do, dear Boss, I do, and I despise more bitterly than ever I did — your shallow-minded, back biting, ever shaming and ignorant Jezebel of Mrs. Grundy. With these kinds words —
H. P. B.
Many salaams, many kisses to my "beloved sister" in Buddha Mrs. Sinnett and Denny, there's a letter for him from Madame Coulomb. Can't find it — mislaid somewhere — send it after.