The Letters of H. P. Blavatsky to A. P. Sinnett

Letter No. 173

A true copy of Babajee's letter to Madame Blavatsky made by
Countess Constance Wachtmeister


Dear and respected Mother,

I got your telegram this afternoon. I assure you — swear to you by all that is sacred to me and to you — that I had been so excited and perfectly mad with rage against the desecration of Masters' names that I spoke to the Countess as though I would ruin the T.S. which so much desecrated Them. Before I wrote that unfortunate and strong letter to the good Countess I groaned all night after 12 p.m. and raved madly, thought even of committing suicide, merely because I found I could not stop the ever growing desecration of Masters' names. Few, among the Gebhards none at all knew that beneath my apparent laughing there went a torrent of rage that tore my heart. But believe me dearest Mother that as you have condescended to guarantee against further desecration, no one is more devoted to you and to the T.S., again and again I repeat to you, than my humble self. I never really meant nor even believed I had the ability to form a new Society. I shall always work hard to defend you, Theosophy, T.S. and Colonel Olcott. If I have told Countess or anyone else in a moment of rage that I would ruin the Society it was merely because the Masters' names were desecrated. Believe me, I have no charges whatever henceforth to bring forward against you nor against the T.S. I swear to you that I am and will be devoted to Masters. Do you know that even now after all this declaration I doubt whether you will be able to read in my heart unwavering devotion to Masters and henceforth to yourself also. May Masters assure you of my devotion to Them and to Theosophy.

If ever I had any intention of going against the T.S. I assure you I have changed it. With unalterable love,

I am,
Yours affectionately,

P.S. I beg you and the noble Countess to forgive and forget all.

P.S. Sorcery, Grandmother idea will suit you best.

P.S. Yes, I am and shall remain the best friend of Theosophy, and defend you better than you can ever do. Pray calm yourself, and I am calm as ever since the receipt of your explanations of phenomena, and all shall soon be well. You may represent to Mr. Sinnett that I had a fit of rage against desecration — anything else you like. If Mr. Sinnett or Mohini ask me I shall refuse to answer personal questions about me. Unconditionally I shall work for Theosophy and defend you. I do not wish to learn philosophy from you, for I am not interested in Philosophy or Occultism as you call it. I will give you no trouble whatever, by making any such stipulation. What I want for this life I have already got.

January 29th, 1886.

I send you only the copy and in a few days will send you (according to circumstances) the original one now in the safe keeping of Countess Wachtmeister. H. P. B.

Theosophical University Press Online Edition